Phunaphobia

I have never done the Electric Slide sober. I am not about to start now, either.

I came to this sober dance in the best of spirits. I showed up with a very lovely young woman who looks drop-dead stunning, I had a great day that included hanging out with a relatively new friend who is becoming a good friend. The dance is to celebrate the 41st anniversary of AA in San Mateo and the meeting before the dance was great. They raffled a First Edition Big Book (I didn’t win, but I only bought three tickets). The speaker was fantastic.

Then the meeting ended and the dance started. I looked out at the people shaking their booties and it was just like walking into a bar before I’d had a drink. There were all these people out there having fun and pairing off and doing what people do and there was me just like that party when I was fourteen, against the wall trying to look cool by myself examining the floor or whatever I could to be anything other than in with the others who are actually capable of having a good time.

So I went out to the parking lot and made a few phone calls. I went back in and it was the same thing. So now I’m back out in the parking lot feeling lonely and isolated and fucking stupid to be afraid of a group of people having fun.

OK well actually there are some good reasons for me to feel alienated. I know no one here except the hot hot hot woman who is pursuing her own options–she knows people here. I’ve always hated loud places where I don’t know anyone. How do you socialize if you can’t hear one another? I always used to drink until I didn’t give a shit who was around.

This all proves that alcohol is not my problem. Life is my problem and alcohol was my solution. Today I have a different solution, but I don’t know what step I have to work to get me out on the dance floor.